I think I’m at that age where i find myself constantly asking, “What the heck am I doing with my life?”. I know, so typical for a 21 year old….
You see, I have a plan, and I know whats in store for me in the future….(what I mean by that is I have somewhat of an idea).
However, I cant help but feel like such a loser on nights like these. My best friend is getting married next week, my cousin just moved in with her newly engaged fiance. Everyone is starting their life and I have made no life progress, but I cant help but to keep pushing myself. I sound so contradicting right now. I guess I’m determined to not give up, so why do I feel this way? I know most will say that it’s probably because I’m so busy focusing on everyone else’s accomplishments, that I’m too busy comparing things rather than paying attention to what’s in front of me…… How can I not? I feel like I take five step forwards and then one hundred steps back. I just want to flourish in life, I want to inspire others.
How can I do that though when I myself am so uninspired? I feel stuck underneath the clouds, and then when the sun finally beams onto my cheeks, and shows me the warmth, the clouds just come right back and begin to hover over me. They like to remind me that it can only be easy, warm, and sunny for just a short period of time.
I try not to ever play the “Why me?” card, because even though the life that was dealt to me has been my worst, I know that there is/are people out there that have been dealt far more worse than I could possibly imagine. I guess when I’m feeling this way I should reflect on how far I have come, and realize that everyone flourishes at their own pace. Is it so wrong of me to feel impatient?
Now back to the real question. what in the heck am I doing with my life?
To be honest, I have no clue. I do know this though. When I get in these moods I just have to remember how far I’ve come, stick to my plan, and not compare my life to others lives. Its totally easier said than done. Who knows, maybe a pep talk here and there might help. I’ve got to stop comparing and start living for me. ♥