Have you ever lost a friend that you’d never thought you’d lose? Me too
We’ve all been there. At least I have. You meet this person who you suddenly have all of these things in common with, and the next thing you know you’re besties. From binge watching our favorite tv shows together to trying out the new ice cream shop that just opened up in town. From going on late night drives to Sonic for their buy one get one half off on milkshakes, to singing our hearts out to “Blue ain’t your color” by Keith Urban. Whether it was late night sleepover’s, or Facetiming on the phone while prepping for a concert that we were about to go to, we always clicked. She came into my life out of nowhere, but I never thought she’d leave out of nowhere too. I wont get into details about how we drifted apart because that’s a very long story. However, I will tell you how our friendship ending felt like going through a breakup. When you have so much in common with a person and never think that you’re going to not have them in your life, how is it possible to not feel like you’re going through a breakup?
At first it didn’t seem real. I thought to myself and said “she’ll come around, she’s just being stubborn”. Little did I know, she had no intentions on coming around. In the beginning I didn’t know who to talk to when I was feeling down. Of course I had other friends, but there wasn’t a thing that I couldn’t tell her without ever felling like I had to hesitate due to judgement or whatever. When the time came around to unfollowing each other on social media I legit cried. I didn’t just cry, but I cried in my moms arms too. Some TV shows I can’t watch anymore because they remind me of her, and some places I avoid because of the memories we shared together.
When I was at a low, she always brought me back up. When she was at a low, I always tried my best to bring her back up. We’d only known each other for a few months but people thought we’d known each other for years. Crazy right?
When everything happened with both of my grandmas passing away within a month of each other all I wanted to do was reach out to her. I didn’t want to risk getting turned down though. That would have just made me feel worse.
Almost a year later since everything happened and I still think about her. I think about all of the fun memories that we shared together and I think about how much of an impact she made in my life. I felt like I was going through a breakup because of how much I was hurting when we first stopped talking. It hurt me because I felt like we had been through more than what had happened to end such a great friendship. Maybe I wasn’t there for her when I was supposed to be. Who knows?
The reason we stopped being friends is now the reason that I am there for everyone in my life, but yet i’ve never felt more alone. I often wonder if this is how she was feeling too. Even though we only crossed paths she will always mean so much to me. She taught me how to really be there for everyone else in my life. I guess I just wish doing so didn’t make me feel so alone. I feel like with certain friendships, I’m barely holding on by a thread. I remember how It felt like when I wasn’t being given a chance to change, and that is why no matter how thin the thread is, I will always hold onto it and never let go. Friendships are important and no matter what you go through as friends, you should always hold onto that thread.